My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
