Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
