I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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