You smell like a Billy Joel song
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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