Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
