I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
