Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
