I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
