Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
