Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
