we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
