Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
