You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
