I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
