I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
