i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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