saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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