I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it penis luge time yet?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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