are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
