My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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