worst night to have a conscience
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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