Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
