sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
