Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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