Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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