Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
