i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
