Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
