remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
