I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
