we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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