also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
