someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
