well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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