Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
