I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
