I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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