my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
