I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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