You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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