People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
