Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
