i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
