i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
