Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
