It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
