90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
