I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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