well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
