so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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