I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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