grandma shit on top of the toilet
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
