I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
