I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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