So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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