im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
