is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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